Negotiations are a huge and SUPER IMPORTANT topic.
Covering everything on negotiations would make this post Way Too Long so I am just
going to list the basic questions I like to cover when negotiating a pet play scene
and some blog posts others have already written on negotiating BDSM scenes.
Planning a scene
- The overall vibe of the scene , what you want to get out of pet play scene/s(sexy, playful, gentle, strict etc)
- Are scenes sexual or non sexual for you (and clarify what a=you are and are not okay with)
- Needs, likes and wants for play
- Other kink activities you like to have (rope, impact, position training, humiliation etc)
- Things you definitely don’t want right now (triggers, hard limits and basic things like where bruises can/cant be left)
- Any external factors to be aware of (stress, work life, commitments, other relationship expectations)
- Safewords and in scene communication (are you ever non verbal, how do you communicate when this happens)
- Health! (acute or chronic, illness, injury, disease, medications and their side effects)
- What are your aftercare needs? (immediately posts scene and extended if required [i tend to need a pick me up 3 days post scene to prevent drop])
- What does your drop look like?
- Drop triggers, timelines and symptoms.
Pet play specific questions include
- What your pet space is like (friendly, shy, playful)
- What helps you get into and out of pet space (toys, names, commands)
- Favourite pet play activities
And before I agree to start a scene I like to cover these to make sure both my partner and I are safe to continue and have a good time
- Have you eaten today?
- Have you had enough to drink?
- Have you gotten enough sleep recently? (8+ hours)
- Any current sources of stress or anxiety?
- How are you feeling?
- Do you both feel confident and happy in proceeding with the scene?